A single mama sort of birthday

posted in: Grow Mama, Uncategorised
Oh my goodness, how to respond to the lovely texts saying they hoped I was spoiled rotten for my birthday today?

My lovelies, I am a single mama. There was no breakfast in bed, no gifts, no cake, no sleep in. Hell, there wasn’t even a Happy Birthday spoken out loud for a good few hours. No kisses, no hugs. There were some lovely texts and I haven’t gone near my facebook timeline yet and I am sure there is some deliciousness in there. 

I spent 2 hours in rush hour traffic this morning, trying to get to an appointment with my fabulous lawyer only to turn around and come home as my boy had been feeling increasingly crap on the way in. He was being stoic but turns out he has the flu. I couldn’t even stop and pick up supplies to make a nice dinner. 

The rest today I worked, worked some more, mopped sweaty brows, did all the fetching and carrying that mama’s of sick kiddos do, fed wood to the fire and looked for a new job and a new rental house for us. I also priced storage units in case I end up having to put our things in storage and live at the local campground until we find a place to live. (Rentals are rare here – being a seaside community, so many are on Air bnb now.) 

I think the highlight of my day was taking a nap in a patch of winter sun. Let’s not underestimate the goodness and rejuvenating power of naps but so far this cycle around the sun is a bit bleak. I did save up and buy myself a little bag from the TradeAid store in the weekend but spoiled? Far from it. 

That’s okay. Crappy times in life overlap with birthdays sometimes and I am grateful for a great many things. Many of them simple joys. But those add up don’t you think? There is a very cute dog flopped out over my feet as I type. That winter sun is still pouring through the window. I managed to scrounge the ingredients to make a caramelised onion tart for dinner. My kid is old enough to be largely independent even when sick – this is new. And I am looking forward to sitting by the fireside writing later this evening. Wish me luck. x

Note: Just after I had posted this yesterday evening my son’s dad (and friend!) came by with a few very thoughtful gifts. It’s not about the presents. I know that. But it was super nice. 
Also, I know many women have crap birthdays and mother’s days even when they do have a partner – that is even lonelier. I reckon it’s up to us to look out for each other and plan something special for ourselves. Even if it’s a scrounged ingredient caramelised onion tart and the end of a bottle of wine found languishing in the fridge consumed in between bouts of holding a bowl for your child to throw up in! Starhawk had a great quote in one of her novels, and it has always stuck with me, ‘Happiness is not in the circumstances, but how we meet them’. Hard to remember sometimes and obviously not a quote to lean on in times of trauma but I find it useful in wonderful messy everyday life. 

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